Friday, July 31, 2009

EMOTIONAL DAY

Daddy and Bentley waiting to see her cardiologist, she has already had her sedated echo here so she is feeling a bit out of it.

This was before the sedated echo.

Just finished with the cardiologist, still loopy, can you tell? Poor baby!

This was on the way to the car, she loves to talk!

WOW! I never expected today to be so emotional. Going back for the first time since surgery has really hit me. When we first arrived, I was teary eyed... but they were tears of joy. I was completely overwhelmed with happiness, pretty much because of everything... we couldn't be more blessed.

First, they took Bentley back for her echo. It took double dose of sedation meds, Ryan, myself, the nurse, and an hour and half before she gave in.. and YES she even stayed awake during the ride there. We could not believe it.. I nearly fell asleep just trying to get her to. After the echo we went back to see her cardiologist. He informed us that her echo looks good. Her heart does not look normal and will never look normal, it functions differently but it functions well. So YES, everything is GOOD, GREAT, A BLESSING. It looks as it should and she has had an amazing recovery.

I guess, during the visit.. after seeing Bentley in the hospital gown, seeing her in the echo room having an echo, seeing her "loopy" from the sedation, being at the hospital (the hospital she had her surgery at), and the cardiologist telling me her heart will never look normal.. all the scary feelings came back. A lot of emotions I felt up until the surgery.. just hit me and hit hard. I have not one time looked back since surgery, we witnessed and were apart of such amazing and massive miracles that I have not been anything but grateful every since. I am still completely grateful, don't get me wrong. We are very blessed and I know we are. I see it everyday. Today was just a hard day. During our ride home, I had a lot of time to think, talk to Ryan, and more importantly pray. I feel a lot better now, just a long. emotional. day. Good and bad. I really hate to post this because I am so thankful for such a successful journey, I don't want to come across like I am complaining because, I am not. Just going back for the first time, was a little different than I expected. I know I have many prayer warrior friends.. I really am okay, no need for prayers for me... but here are a few people that could really use our prayers.. Stellan, Abby, Owen and Kate. I know there are so many more out there (many on my side bar as well), but these are just a few that I know of.

Also we need to praise God for being with Abby Grace and her family this past week, and pray for a great recovery to continue. And check out my great blog friend Kristin who is doing great things for a sweet little boy named Zach. Both Abby and Zach were treated at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston, the same hospital Bentley had her surgery at. Abby Grace was actually discharged this morning, so yes we were ALMOST there at the same time. Her mom Amanda and I hoped we would have the chance to meet for the first time today. We were not able to today, so we are hoping and planning for December. Something very similar... Kristin came to the hospital to visit Zach the same day we were discharged from Bentley's surgery, we were also hoping to meet but were unable to, we just missed each other as well. Maybe one day!

Again, thank you my friends for the prayers today. Bentley is doing wonderful and we were so happy to hear that from her cardiologist. Texas Children's Hospital is an amazing TOP hospital, not only for hearts for everything!! Oh and, Bentley is 28.5 inches long and 16 pounds even at 11 months and 11 days old.

22 comments:

  1. YAY! So glad to hear that her check up went well,and she is just as cute as ever.You don't have to explain yourself at all about worrying,thats what us mommies do.You were such an inspiration to me at one of the lowest points in my life,I even posted a blog about it a while back.I don't know if you were ever able to read it or not.When yall were preparing for Bentley's surgery,I was so super depressed,and I had accidently happened across your blog through Glamour Baby.Well I thought it was an accident,but I learned that it wasn't,at one of the lowest points in your life,you were so confident in your faith through Christ and it jumped right out at me off the screen through your words.I felt like my world was caving in,and I turned everything into a negative,when there you were with alot more to handle than me,but you seemed so strong.Thanks so much,and it still amazes me at how wonderful Bentley is doing,she is such a doll,and I still continue to pray for her.

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  2. I am sure that was alot to take in all over again. I am so glad that she got a great report. She is a fighter. I know you are more than thrilled to have that behind you. Praising God along with you for your little miracle heart baby. God is good!

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  3. So glad for a good report! Bentley is adorable as always. Tell me, do you just stand around all day waiting to pinch those cute, chubby cheeks?! HAHA! I would.

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  4. Girl-you don't have to explain your emotions...us heart mommies understand! Everytime I go to Madi's cardiology appts I am full of emotion. I know it will never change her whole life...every year for their check ups we will be freaking out! But hopefully they don't worry about their hearts (their moms will do that for them!), and they live thier lives proud of thier tiny scars and know that their hearts are perfect now.
    I remember leaving Madison's 2 mth check up not confident. Her dr. said it will just take time and blood flow for the heart to heal. At her 6 mth check up everything WAS healed and I feel waaaay better. I know Madison and Bentley will live normal, healthy, wonderful lives (they just wont be football players...darn!)

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  5. I'm sorry that you had such a hard, emotional day but am so glad that Bentley's check-up went well. What wonderful news!

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  6. I got all teary eyed just reading your post. I would, I think, have reacted and felt the same way. I know hearing that her heart will never be "normal" sounds really hard as HER mommy. Because just hearing that Morgan had a murmur and a heart defect the first year of her life, and being told that she may always have her murmur if its innocent enough. Just hearing that word ALWAYS put just a sinking feeling in my stomach. Although they tell me she could do everything an "normal" heart could, I still didn't like hearing that. I felt like it made her different or more fragile and it sounded scary. So I think I understand a little bit of what your emotions. The heart surgery saved her life, but it didn't make her heart 100% perfect or normal in what the medical people would call perfect or normal.....but at the end of the day that heart is as PERFECT and as NORMAL as the HIGHEST PHYSCIANS wills it to be. You know what I am saying? So you take those emotions, you give your miracle girl a BIG BIG hug and hundreds of kisses.... you look around at your entire family and you just smile and look up and give God a wink back, because he loves you girl and He loves that baby Bentley.

    Have a wonderful weekend.

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  7. What awesome news! Bentley is so beautiful...even when she is loopy! ;) So precious! I am praising Him with you guys and continue to pray for Bentley's ♥!!

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  8. You scared me on your tweet when you said her heart function was not normal...I thought it meant that something was wrong. I am so relieved that everything is okay and she's doing well!!!!!!!!

    You've been on my mind alot over these past few days. I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend with your amazing family!!!!!

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  9. Crystal,
    I am so glad that the appointment is over and you can relax a bit.

    I am sure that you were tense and concerned,...that is just a mommy thing. But God is God and oh so powerful! We just need to learn how to rest in Him. ((smile))

    I loved how tenderly daddy was holding his girl in the picture and it touched my heart so much.

    You all have been through a lot.
    Rejoicing with you over Bentley's progress. Praying for you to be able to move on to a normal routine again. Living each day with joy!

    Love ya,
    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

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  10. Yay! I am so glad everything looked great!

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  11. Still praying for ALL of you. I'm so thrilled that Bentley is doing so wonderfully and will continue to pray that she remains that way. She will ALWAYS be completely normal in the eyes of God and all of us who love her!

    Thank you for sharing her, and your family, with all of us.

    Hugs

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  12. I am just so glad that everything went well with your appointment and that her heart is doing great. It's okay to have those emotions! You have been through one of the hardest things that I can ever imagine going through. Bentley is so precious and such a sweet little miracle!

    I was just reading along and then I noticed my name. Ha! Thanks so much for that :)

    Hope you're having a wonderful weekend!

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  13. So glad to hear good news! Lots of love and many prayers being sent your way!

    Cxx

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  14. What an emotional day I bet...You are so sweet asking prayers for others... You were on my heart so much yesterday ( I even tweeted abotu it :) and Stellan too!

    So happy to hear Miss Bentley is doing wonderful!

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  15. You have every right to an emotional day. Anyone who has been through things like this know that your post is actually understated as far as what the emotional rollercoaster ride is like.

    Never say never. I have two children and a grandson alive when doctors said never. Ages: 33 and 29 for the children; the granddaughter is like your Bentley: a little trouper.

    Medicine changes every year, and today's prognoses are not tomorrow's prognoses.

    And then, miracles do happen, as well!

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  16. Glad to hear that things look good. It amazing how your perception of "good" and "normal" can change huh?

    Funny story: we had to have an urgent KUB (gut x-ray) done on Kyleigh and our surgeon was out of town so our ped ordered the scan at her hospital(not our norm). The radiologist actually came out from behind the booth scratching his head and said he had to call the doc because he had "never seen anything like it" (referring to Ky's gut). I kind of chuckled and paused. He looked confused as he said.. "Dr. Poole said to tell you to look at it and tell me what you see because you know what you are looking for..." Ky's whole gut is abnormal enough that even a trained radiologist cannot make heads nor tails of it. I knew that I was looking for dilatation of a section of her upper right portion of her transverse colon and pointed it out to him but to him... it just looked like a mess. To me... it looked rather good actually... a lot better than I had seen in a while. If you had told me years ago that I would be standing beside a radiologist reading my daughter's mess of an x-ray and seeing her crazy abnormal gut with its pins and metal loops from surgeries past and thinking "wow that looks GOOD!" - I would have passed out right then and there. When we started this thing with Ky I thought "fixed" meant something very different than what I understand it to mean now.

    I say all this to say... right now... the wounds of this surgery this horrible upset in your lives are still very raw. Anything that deals with them is like picking a scab. Eventually it will hurt a little less and you will become a little more numb to it. Eventually this will be just a moment of her past and a distant memory (albeit painful for all of you). Some day... you will look back (hopefully fondly - we sure do...) and think... WOW.

    I am praying that God continues to bless Bentley with health and happiness :) Huge hugs!

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  17. PTL!! So glad that she is doing so well!! Praise God!!
    What a beautiful post! I can only imagine what the trip back was like! Praising HIM that it was a good one!

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  18. Bentley is looking so good. Her color, her chubby wubby cheeks. Just amazing!

    I love the picture of her in the stroller with her foot up on the tray. Adorable!

    Glad to hear everything is great for Bentley and that you all endured this latest Appt.

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  19. I have been praying for Bentley since I read your blog about her appointment this week. I am praising God today for her and I will continue to keep her in my prayers.

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  20. It will get easier (I promise), but at the same time those emotions will never go away...SO SO SO glad to hear everything went well!

    Heart Hugs,

    Emily
    Mommy to Dylan--TOF repair 11.11.08
    www.dustinemilynicholsblogspot.com

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  21. Crystal...I know I'm really late in reading this post but I just want to let you know that I'm glad everything went so well with Bentley's appointment. God is so good and the way everything has gone so smoothely for Bentley is just amazing.

    That's so cool that you mentioned Kristin's notecard fundraiser for her cousin Zach. She is so awesome for doing that. I got my notecards on Saturday and love them!

    Hope your having a good week so far!

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