Friday, September 11, 2009


... and I sure am glad it's me. Can you guess what I am talking about from the below picture? We were in the car (in a parking lot, so no worries that I was not facing forward) and miss Bentley decided that it was time for some milk. So you can see me holding the bottle for her while she enjoys her milk. Bentley still refuses to hold her bottle. She is the first 1 year old I have seen that does not hold their own bottle. Yes, this is pretty unusual but it does happen. I have talked to her pediatrician and she said they occassionaly she will see a baby come through that just doesn't want to hold it. She and we are convinced that she physically CAN hold her bottle she just chooses not to. In other words, she is rotten, spoiled, lazy, etc. She has been to one physical therapy appointment in the past, not because she was showing any signs of being delayed, but because her pediatrician wanted to prepare her for after her open heart surgery.. however, she was right on track and they refused to see her if she did not need physical therapy. Bentley feeds herself with finger foods, chews on toys, and many other things that involves physical activity with the same motions so there is no problem, she just plain flat does not want to hold her bottle. After many many attempts to get her to hold her bottle, she is not changing her mind. The second we let go of the bottle.. it falls.. she screams...

Just see for yourself...

She knows the game all too well. She screams, we jump. Oh what have we gotten ourselves into with this girl, ha!! I think a big part of this problem started day 1.. the day we found out about her heart. We have always been told.. don't let her cry.. it can cause a "blue spell" and she could quit breathing... and to tell you the truth it has scared us in a big way. So Bentley has always gotten what she wanted, and if that meant momma holding her bottle when she was 6 months old.. I was going to do just that. If it meant momma holding her bottle when she was 7 months old.. I was going to still do that, and so on. So I am pretty sure this is the root to our problem. Well, I don't see it as a problem really.. I mean it does get hard at times and more so now that Bryson and Brenna are both in school. They are a big help in the car, anytime Bentley and I run errands (while sis and bro are in school) and she decides she wants some milk.. I have to drive with one hand on the wheel and the other behind me holding the bottle.. I have even had to pull over at times so she could finish the bottle. But honestly, I would not change anything we have done. I love being the person that gets to hold this little girl's bottle, it's an absolute blessing. I am not complaining in this post (please do not confuse that), I am strictly sharing one of my many experiences of a parent with a "heart" baby or child with a medical condition. And again, just because Bentley chooses not to hold her bottle does not mean other babies with medical conditions do not, Bentley is the only baby I know that does this.

I'm sure many people disagree with the way we have raised Bentley with the whole "she gets what she wants" statement. But, we are happy with the choices we have made.. and if we could go back, we would not have done anything differently. I much rather have a spoiled daughter than one that could have had many "blue spells" (stopped breathing) in the past.. who knows where we would be otherwise. We just rather not have taken any chances. So now the question is.. how do we tone down this diva attitude of hers? ha!

I really hope no one takes this post the wrong way.. I am in no way stating what I think is right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong. I am just posting about our experience, everyone is so different depending on their situations, etc. So please please please do not let this post offend you, it is defintely not meant for that.

Also, you might be wondering.. does Bentley drink out of a sippy cup? And if so, how does she do... well, this is a whole 'nother post.


  1. I'm in the same boat. My daughter just turned one last week, and will not hold her bottle either. She'll pick it up and play with it, but will not feed herself. The minute I put it in her mouth, her arms fall down to her sides and she just lays there an enjoys the moment. She is such a good baby that if this is the one thing I have a problem with...I'll take it. Glad to hear I'm not the only one:-)

  2. I don't know you, but stumbled across your blog tonight from a link on another babies blog.
    Maybe it's fate because this week I also stumbled across a link to this:
    Maybe not, but it would be really cool if it helps you and your darling little girl.
    Best wishes,

  3. As my brother always says, you are the best parent for your child. That's why God made you for each other. Besides, can you blame her?

  4. Oh bless you both! I think whatever works for you guys is the ideal.


  5. hi crystal! i didnt take your post the wrong way! in fact, we were in the same boat! we could NEVER let Chloe cry for more than a second due to her losing too much oxygen. SO that meant lots of holding her while she slept, giving her whatever she wanted immediately, etc. She never was able to eat, and still doesn't eat orally at 10 months - but if she did I would SO hold the bottle for her if it meant getting her to eat. I did get a "bottle pet" as a gift - - they are super soft animals (kinda like a puppet) that the bottle goes into and the nipple comes through the mouth. Very cute idea, maybe it will help? Lots of animals to choose from.

  6. When you say "blue spell", do you mean passing out? My oldest daughter does's called vasovagal syncope. She did it the first time at 11 months of age and I thought she was dying right in front of me...still one of the scariest things I had ever witnessed. Now we are just used to it. We know when it is about to happen and we have to lay her down and she will pass out and then eventually comes back to...not fun at all. I guess it is just a part of our lives now. But, I would be doing anything to avoid that as well! I guess you can say Alexie is more baby'd because of this. She is about to be 6 and she still does it. Anyhoo, you guys are doing a amazing job with beautiful Bentley and if it means holding her bottle for her, then so be it! Much LOVE & HUGS, friend!

  7. Kelly - That is exactly what Bentley does. I have never seen another baby do this, so I am glad I can say I now KNOW (kinda)someone and we are not the only ones. ;) It might be a little difficult at times, but I really don't mind. Like you said, you'll take it! I feel the same, with Bentley's heart condition her not holding her bottle seems so minor to us, it's just so natural now to hold it for her. We will defintely take this!!

    Pam - Thank you so much for commenting and sharing that site with me. I am going to go check it out now!! I took a peek and this sounds like it would be very helpful. I have never seen these before, I really appreciate that information!!

    KK, Claire, and Kelly - thanks girls!! The support is amazing. I know there are few out there that look at me like I'm crazy.. but life with a heart baby or any other child with a medical condition changes the way you look and feel about everything.

    Drama Mama - Thanks for sharing!! When I say blue spell aka tet spell.. it is common with heart babies, not even common it is normal with heart babies. Most heart conditions affect the childs oxygen.. it is usually not a normal level and can get very low and that is one reason for the surgery you hear about these babies having (well some). So when they already have lower oxygen.. crying can really make it drop.. and cause a blue spell or tet spell and this is where the child would quite breathing and they would need medical attention immeditaley. It's one of the most important things us heart moms have to watch out for. I was not familiar with the name you mentioned when your daughter passes out.. that actually sounds like something I went through when I was a child. I would always have these moments.. usually in the mornings and just pass out. It did get to the point where I could tell it was going to happen.. pass out.. then I would wake up in less than 5 minutes. I am defintely going to read about that. My mom would take me to the dr. but they never could give us an explanation for it.. and as I grew older it slowly came to an end. I have not have one in years. I really hope this is the case for her, it was very scary, I cannot tell you how many times I have passed out and hit my head on chairs falling, the floor, etc. How often does your little girl have these? Just curious.

  8. I couldn't help but laugh when I read this because it took me back to when my now 6 year old was a baby. She never held her bottle till about 18 months. (I'm all about keeping them a baby as long a I can) I used to hold that bottle in her mouth while I was driving also. I had a jeep at the time, and it was a far stretch from the driver seat to her carseat. I think it's ok to spoil her...she's a baby not a teenager, and one day we will all look back and wish they were babies again.

  9. Oh, I think she's just precious and I'd hold her bottle too. :) I remember the days after Lily was born and the girls started school the next week and I would be waiting in line to pick them up, with one hand behind me holding a bottle and her carseat was rear-facing too because she was a newborn.....not an easy task! I think I pulled my neck and shoulder several times from trying to maneuver around the seat. LOL!!
    I'm surprised I didn't accidentally run into the person in front of me. Ha!

    There will always be people who judge the way you raise your kids, but no one knows better what's best for them than you!! I just potty trained Lily because she just turned 3, and there were tons of people who judged me for waiting so long, but I'm the only one who is with her every day and I knew she was not ready yet. And because she was finally ready, she was doing just fine by day 2.

    It's so true that this time goes by so fast!

  10. You know what....I don't criticize you at all....after all that precious little girl has been through she can have whatever she wants! :)

    If it makes you feel any better Allie is perfectly healthy(Thank you Lord!)..just turned 16 months old and just started holding her bottle in the last week and that was only for a few minutes..I still hold it.

  11. Ok first of all I am going to be blunt here because I like you and I am sure that if we lived closer together that we would be personal friends.

    Number one! (#1) DON'T EVER feel the need to explain, defend or apologize for the choices you make on your children to readers of your blog. Anyone has an opinion should keep it to themselves.

    #2 I have heard that several times about not letting them get too upset and cry too hard because babies tend to hold their breaths and it can cause blue spells, stress on their heart and more. So you did the RIGHT thing by your child and what worked best for you and your child.

    #3. My daughter is 16 1/2 months old and although she CAN and WILL hold her own bottle. I still give my daughter a bottle before nap and bedtime, and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE and CHOOSE to on my own to feed them to her and rock her to sleep. Its my only ALONE private time with her as we stare at each others face and eyes. Her hands are free to touch my mouth and face and explore me while, I hold, rock and feed her. Its so bonding and so rewarding to me after hard days with her. She feels loved and there is nothing wrong with it.

    Some moms still feed their toddlers themselves because they can't stand the mess toddlers make while eating. While some parents would snub up their nose at that or roll the eyes.... the truth is, when that kid goes to kindergarten, I assure you they aren't going with bottles in hand, and will feed themselves at the table.

    So YOU mommy..... share your stories, funny, venting, emotional or whatever.....and share them with out the burden of having to worry or feel concerned about what others may say or think.

    I have felt the need to "cover" myself or explain my reason of choice at times on my blog also, but at the end of the day, I don't want nor do I welcome anyones personal opinion of what I should or should not be doing, so if the feel they must share their critisizing anyways, I DELETE it quick and move on. LOL

    Oh and at 15 months old I finally turned Morgans car seat forward.

    And while I do all that i am doing now with Morgan, I was much different with Hunter, feeling the need as a young mom feeling the pressure to keep up, go with the trend or with the other older moms around me.... and I learned, I learned to be ME and do what was best for my own family and needs.

    I giggled at your post. Although I know during those moments it stressful for you, or any mom for that matter.


    PS: Just glanced up at other comments and I see I am not the only that feels this way. LOL

  12. I guess Kyleigh never really had the chance to hold her own bottle seeing as how she has had a tube (either NG or mickey button) as long as I can remember.... (since 8 weeks). Ky was blue all the time and where she was in failure before her surgery she stayed that way (yet her sats would still be in the 90's...). One morning I went to get her out of bed and she was blue and unresponsive (this was like 6 months AFTER her OH surgeries) and I yanked her up and started doing all the circulatory things... rubbing the back etc. It scared me to DEATH. I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to see that happen over and over!

    We are having a hard time reigning in Kyleigh because she was so used to being in the hospital with JUST US and her nurses and docs. She was treated like a little adult and now that she is at home mostly she is just another kid in the mix. If you find the magic formula to curb the "tude" please be sure to share! LOL

    Hugs to you.

  13. I think that we as parents do what we think is right for our children and we can't second guess our decisions or we will go crazy. I think you did what was right for Bentley and that is right! I would gladly hold that bottle for her too. She is precious and the bottle days only last so long. Enjoy everyone of them.

  14. I had to laugh when I read your post. My 16 month old has never held his own bottle. Not once! I have never met a kid as old as mine that doesn't hold his/her own bottle. It's just pure laziness on his part and also that he doesn't like milk at all. He will hold his sippy cup with no problem but he refuses to drink milk from it so I have no choice but to keep giving him the bottle.

  15. You hold that baby girls bottle until she is 18 if you want to. You are a great Mommy and Bentley is blessed to have such a great Mommy. Hope she grows out of this stage soon for you though. LOL


Related Posts with Thumbnails