I have tried to be tough for the past week, but the fact is I'm just not strong enough.
I have tried to cover the pain I have been feeling with a smile... but I can't any longer. I have written this post and deleted several times because I just can't find the words. So I will say this... we once again are in need of prayers. Bentley is in need of your prayers. This is about the same issue I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. I did not post about it but after seeing Bentley for her 15 month well check up her pedi strongly believes Bentley does have this condition and will need major surgery. She believes the xray is wrong, so she has ordered a CT scan for today. I did not want to say anything until we knew more, but I am not strong enough. I am asking for your prayers. I feel just as I did at the begining of Bentley's heart journey... full of hurtful emotions, my life once again has been turned upside down and I feel lost and find me crying myself to sleep at night. Bentley had her open heart surgery just 6 months ago, I am not ready to go through anything like this again, and I am definitely not ready for my child to go through this again. Bentley will be having her CT scan in hours, I am not sure when we will find out the results. I am scared to hear the results, so so so scared. I know God has a plan, the perfect plan... but just I pray that Bentley's CT scan shows normal results and confirms that she does not have this condition.
We did have an amazing Thanksgiving. Even though I have been feeling a great bit of pain there are so many things I am thankful and grateful for, nothing can take that away from me. I am so blessed with such an amazing husband, kids, and family. I am so thankful Bryson and Brenna are so healthy, I am so thankful Bentley has had such a positive heart journey and surgery recovery because many heart patients do not. I am so thankful to have Ryan in my life, he is my bestfriend and he is always ready and waiting to catch me when I fall. I am so blessed to have them in my life for so many more reasons. I am so thankful to have a roof over my head and food on our tables. The list goes on and on. Bentley has changed our outlook on life, we appreciate all that we have with every ounce in our hearts. We have had such a great time visiting our Kansas and Texas family this Thanksgiving. It was full of love and laughter and I cherish that. I will post more on Thanksgiving soon.
Oh and I am still giving the blog design away, hang tight and give me a few days. I will post the winner this week sometime.
Josh Wilson - Savior, Please
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me
Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me