Sunday, November 29, 2009


I have tried to be tough for the past week, but the fact is I'm just not strong enough.

I have tried to cover the pain I have been feeling with a smile... but I can't any longer. I have written this post and deleted several times because I just can't find the words. So I will say this... we once again are in need of prayers. Bentley is in need of your prayers. This is about the same issue I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. I did not post about it but after seeing Bentley for her 15 month well check up her pedi strongly believes Bentley does have this condition and will need major surgery. She believes the xray is wrong, so she has ordered a CT scan for today. I did not want to say anything until we knew more, but I am not strong enough. I am asking for your prayers. I feel just as I did at the begining of Bentley's heart journey... full of hurtful emotions, my life once again has been turned upside down and I feel lost and find me crying myself to sleep at night. Bentley had her open heart surgery just 6 months ago, I am not ready to go through anything like this again, and I am definitely not ready for my child to go through this again. Bentley will be having her CT scan in hours, I am not sure when we will find out the results. I am scared to hear the results, so so so scared. I know God has a plan, the perfect plan... but just I pray that Bentley's CT scan shows normal results and confirms that she does not have this condition.

We did have an amazing Thanksgiving. Even though I have been feeling a great bit of pain there are so many things I am thankful and grateful for, nothing can take that away from me. I am so blessed with such an amazing husband, kids, and family. I am so thankful Bryson and Brenna are so healthy, I am so thankful Bentley has had such a positive heart journey and surgery recovery because many heart patients do not. I am so thankful to have Ryan in my life, he is my bestfriend and he is always ready and waiting to catch me when I fall. I am so blessed to have them in my life for so many more reasons. I am so thankful to have a roof over my head and food on our tables. The list goes on and on. Bentley has changed our outlook on life, we appreciate all that we have with every ounce in our hearts. We have had such a great time visiting our Kansas and Texas family this Thanksgiving. It was full of love and laughter and I cherish that. I will post more on Thanksgiving soon.

Oh and I am still giving the blog design away, hang tight and give me a few days. I will post the winner this week sometime.

Josh Wilson - Savior, Please

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last

I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me


  1. Crystal...just want you to know that I will continue to keep Bentley in my prayers. The Lord is there with you and I believe He will give you the strength you need to get through this next obstacle.

    Love ya girl!

  2. My prayers are with your entire family and with Bentley and her doctors as they figure out how and when to take the appropriate steps. He has a plan for you and your entire family! You are such a strong woman Crystal and that in itself, amazes me!

  3. thanks for sharing you heart, crystal! i will continue to not only pray for bentley but your entire sweet family. may the Lord continue to bless your family!

  4. Of course, I will be praying for Bentley :) A lot of people say that the Lord will never give you more than you can handle, but sometimes it just is more than you can handle, but it is never more than He can handle and He will always be there to help you get through it. I hope that everything turns out okay.

  5. I will be praying for sweet Bentley! And I will pray for you and your family to find the courage and strength you will need to get through this.

  6. You know I'm here girl. Praying incessantly today. Lifting all of you up and asking God to grant you the peace, strength, and wisdom concerning all all of this. I'm just a phone call away if you need anything at all. You are strong - so is Bentley. No matter what the outcome of that CT scan, God will prevail and all will be just fine. Our savior has BIG plans for Bentley here on this earth. I know that without a shadow of a doubt. Let me know something as soon as you learn the CT scan results. OK?

    Love ya girl...HUGE HUGE Hugs today.


  7. Girlfriend YOU are strong enough..... you just haven't realized it yet.

    So in the mean time.... sit still and know your SAVIOR and your family and friends. All those beautiful things you are thankful for.... WILL help you along with the way until you realize just how strong you really are.

    Crying is healthy.... is shows that you are human. That you can't do it all by yourself. Its the BIGGEST reminder how desperately WE ALL need Christ.

    So sweet friend... know that you and Princess Bentely are wrapped in loving arms. All things for HIS purpose.

    Remember what I said in my email?

    NO MATTER WHAT, right?


  8. Im so sorry. please keep us updated.

  9. Girl, I am on my knees for your entire family and of course beautiful Bentley right now...and I will continue to be! PLEASE let me know if I can do anything or pray for anything specific...I will carry this burden with you, my friend! Sending lots of love, prayers & HUGS your way! Thinking of you!

    holliea {at} ymail {dot} com

  10. Nothing but prayers being sent for sweet Bentley and of course you and your family. May you feel the warmth of the Lord's arms around you and Bentley as she goes through her tests.
    Hugs, love and prayers-Andrea and Family

  11. Prayers for all of you. I hope that the wait for answers is not long. Hoping for peace for all of you.

  12. Praying for Bentley and all of your family!

    The heart world is a hard world, but you were chosen because He knew what a great mom you would be to a special little girl. I know it feels like you're not strong enough, but the needed strength will come. Lean on those who love you and on Him. We'll be praying!!

    Big Heart Hugs and PRAYERS!

  13. We are all here praying alongside you for little miss Bentley. Hang in there my friend and rest in His arms...they are strong enough for any burdens you bear.

  14. Bentley's story weighs deep in my heart and she is ALWAYS in our prayers and thoughts. We will pray for you and the rest of your family. Keep your faith held high, keep your love for Him protected. He is watching over Bentley there is no doubt. A few months ago, I had gone through some emotions as my son was in for a CT Scan due to an abnormality of his skull. Thankfully, after 2 long agonizing days of waiting, it was confirmed that Matthew had a malformation and no masses were found. I know how frightening it is, but keep your faith and believe that optimism and any outcome is something you are prepared to deal with. I know it's easier said than done.

  15. Hey Crystal. I'm glad you had a good Thanksgiving, but sad you are dealing with this worry right now. Just remember what a strong little girl she has turned out to be and keep your faith. Praying hard for you girl!

  16. Praying for you and your entire family without ceasing......
    Psalm 46:10
    Isaiah 41:10

  17. Praying for you lady and of course baby Bentley. Please keep us updated as to what her CT scan shows so we can pray specific prayers. Love you lots.

  18. Crystal.. I know it sucks.. but everything will be okay. The CT scan is pretty easy.. it's just waiting for results that make you crazy. Thinking of you guys today!

  19. Crystal,

    I am PRAYING and have been PRAYING for you, Bentley, and your entire family.

    I know you can do this! God is with you EVERY step of the way and will NEVER leave your side.

    I'm here if you need anything!

    Love and Hugs,
    Jess :)

  20. Crystal, I am so sorry you are having to go through this again. Just know we are ALL here pulling and praying for miss Bentley and your family!! HUGS

  21. I have certainly learned that the power in the prayers of our heart families has brought us miracle after miracle. Our prayers are with you throughout this new situation and will continue to remain in our hearts. Our love pours out to you as well.
    Owen's Gramma Vicki

  22. Your prayer warriors are here. Praying for good and normal results. Trust him, he wouldn't give you more than you can handle. Hugs.

  23. Crystal, what the heck is going on? What condition? Email me if you can. I am praying so hard for Bentley. I hope the ped. is wrong and the CT comes back okay. LOVE, your heart buds in MI, Shannon and Madi

    BTW, You ARE strong enough! I know you are! XOXO!

  24. Saying prayers for the tests to show positive results! I understand the anxiety of waiting to hear the path that the Doctors feel is best for your child. We are praying for complete healing for your little Bentley as well as our son!

  25. Crystal, I am so sorry---I am praying for Bentley as well as everyone in your family. Keep your pretty head up! Let me know if there is anything I can do!


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