Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I often struggle with my blog.. in many ways. Those of you that have been reading for a long time know that I started my blog strictly to keep family and friends updated on Bentley's heart. I was going through a very difficult time in my life... so I thought it would be much easier to just update everyone this way... well, because... I refused to "talk" about Bentley's heart in person. I felt that if I did not talk about it, it would just go away. But of course... that did not happen. As I started posting more and more there were so many of you that came to me with open arms and prayed for our family and consistently left words of encouragement. We became friends, great friends. So then I started to blog more about my whole family as well as Bentley's heart updates to scrapbook my life. When writing on a blog it's easy to forget all that can actually read it... we have became such great friends, but at the same time... I have no idea who is reading my blog beyond the sweet friends I have made. I don't mean those of you that read and not comment... I'm talking about the crazies. It's very scary. I have always always alwaaays tried to be careful when writing on my blog... but like I said... it's easy to forget that esp. when you are in deep thought typing away like I am now. I write on my blog as if no one is reading... or maybe an email to a friend. And I realize even though I am careful already, I still probably write more information than I should. So back on subject... my blog about Bentley's heart turned into my online family scrapbook... between worry about saying too much (privacy) and not enough time to keep up with everything regularly... I struggle with my blog. I want to keep in touch with all of you and grow with you like we have for the past year. We have built some amazing friendships that's for sure. So NO, I'm not deleting my blog... not at all. It's not time to give it up just yet. I look forward to getting to know you better and getting to know more of you. But I have decided that the topic of my blog could be about anything. I will still post about our family... definitely. And most of the time. But I will also be blogging about many other things.... and I hope you stay with me during this journey!!!

Now... the whole reason I started this blog.... we left our home exactly one year ago today for Bentley's first open heart surgery (and hopefully last). We were to arrive at the hospital a couple days early for her open heart surgery that took place on May 20, 2009. That was the hardest road trip I have ever made. It was painful to get into the car that day... it was painful to get out of the car, painful to check in, even more painful every step I took that day holding my sweet baby in my arms knowing all that she would soon go through.

It has been so long since I read those post, so I read a couple last night... the tears were flowing. I am about to read more of them now and I will probably copy and paste a few of them for post this week. Why? Well, it was a HUGE part of my life and now I cannot stop talking about Bentley's heart. She just amazes me. She's so amazingly strong how can I not talk about that?!!!

ps.. Yes!! I will continue to talk about CHD Awareness. It is very near and dear to me and I'll never stop that- it needs to be talked about. I have a few more CHD survivors to add to my "heart babies connect" page.. so hang tight. I will also have a new blog design soon that will hopefully make it easier for you to navigate through.

UPDATED: Share your favorite blog designers with me... I am in need of one. Although I am a website designer... website/blogs are very different. Also, by the time I finish making my blogs... I'm tired of the way they look. So I want someone to do it for me. =)
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